206 eyes stared at us, some filled with water that fell onto the cheeks beneath. Two more, 11-year-old Gideon’s, were stuck looking down at the ground, as he stood behind Sky like a miniature shadow, never stepping more than an arm’s length away from him. We were saying our final good-bye of the summer, and the waves of emotion hit hard and seemingly without remission. We rolled the windows down as the car pulled us away, multiple hands still reaching for ours to connect one last time. I felt thankful for the sunshine, a legitimate reason to put on my sunglasses and, conveniently, cover up my own tears.
We spent our final four days before our safari at Mukaa. As you pull through the gate, the compound is so beautiful and quaint you might believe you were at “It’s a Small World” from Disneyland instead of a Kenyan Children’s Home. Both Sky and I had spent time at Mukaa on our past trips; our hearts were full and refreshed as we reconnected with little ones whose faces line the walls of our apartment, whose precious lives we have lifted in prayer countless times. In their physical growth and spiritual warmth, we saw clear evidence of a God who has been gracious and faithful in answering those prayers. Even so, we did not feel ready when it came time to shake each of those 104 hands good-bye on Wednesday.
“Transatlanticism” is the name of my favorite song by one of my favorite bands. I’ve loved it since high school. It’s sweet, simple and sad, and that’s where I am right now. The singer laments:
“The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row, it seems farther than ever before. I need you so much closer.”
It’s hard being home, transitioning back into so much comfort and trying to make sense of everything we’ve experienced this summer. It was also hard being away, missing some of my best friends’ engagements and babies being born. But this is the reality of being a spiritual being in a physical world—the reality of leaving a too-big piece of your heart in a place that is literally an ocean and most of a continent away. You are always missing someone, never quite settled. It’s strange and painful and still, it’s a wonderful blessing to be able to experience it—to experience knowing and loving someone so much that their absence is felt.
Our biggest comfort during this very uncomfortable transition home is knowing that our good God is bigger than our physical limitations, bigger than the “transatlanticism” we’re experiencing. He is here in the US with us now, holding our hands as we process the ups and downs of the past two months. At the very same time, He’s in Kenya, guiding and guarding Gideon, Festus, Cynthia, Clinton, and every other dear heart we’ve parted with this summer.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your father’s care. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” –Matthew 10:29-31
God gave me this verse four years ago, as I returned from Kenya back to the US for the first time; it quickly became one of my favorites, and it continues to comfort me today. Today I am thankful that God doesn’t experience “transatlanticism,” and that someday, we won’t either! While we are already missing the children we’ve written about here, and many we haven’t, we rejoice in knowing that they are in loving hands, cared for by a God who knows every hair on their heads. We find solace in knowing that this beautiful God who loves them more than we ever possibly could has remained even though we have gone, and that one day we will all be worshiping in Heaven together, with no more oceans separating us.
“ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans 8:38-39
We don’t know if or when God will call us back to Kenya, but we do know the difficulty of being apart whether here or there. However, we are thankful that despite the separation we experience that is inherent with this physical world, we are never separated from the love of Christ. And that this is true for our brothers and sisters in Kenya, and for you even as you read these words. Our prayer as we shift back to life here in the states is that Jesus would be “so much closer,” and that we would continue to experience His presence, His peace, and His joy as we did in so tangibly in Kenya—and that you would too!
We so appreciate you walking alongside us this summer, for all the support you’ve provided and for taking the time to hear our hearts. We hope that you have been as blessed as we have by the work God is doing in Kenya. We are so grateful to have been a very small part of it, and that through your prayers and care for us, you have too.